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2004-07-27 - 5:04 p.m.

Drama drama drama � it�s all going to be good, right?

Well, my girl just came back from the Caribbean, only to confess that �something happened� while she was out at sea. She said she stopped it, because while thinking about it, she realized we never talked about our relationship and if I was expecting monogamy. I was, but we needed to talk about it first.

I picked her up from the airport. Her flight was almost three hours late. I circled around the airport for over half an hour, debating If it was worth paying SFO�s ridiculous parking fees to just sit and wait. The only problem was that I didn�t know anything about the flight � which airline, what flight number, anything. All I got was a garbled message on my cell phone that afternoon, telling me she would be delayed a bit. It made for a pretty frustrating afternoon.

I picked her up and it was wonderful seeing her again. We kissed , held each other, then stuffed her luggage into my car before the police came to chase us away. We went out to eat at We Be Sushi. It was a crowded Sunday evening, so we had to sit right next to some woman eating alone. Boy, did she get an earful. She told me about her cruise, and the incident. She also told me the trip wasn�t what she planned. The �friend� who invited her along actually had plans to start something with her. V was so na�ve � she was warned about that by her roommate, but she didn�t believe it. She believes it now.

I told her I wasn�t angry. We hadn�t spoken about it, but we should now. However, I also felt the need to talk to her about M. I told her everything. The friendship, the sex, the fight at the restaurant the previous weekend, my guilt over it all. The conversation took up the whole meal. We decided to leave. She was tired and jet-lagged. She needed to get home sometime soon. She was also leaving town for another couple of days, so this was our only time together until the end of the week.

So we finally headed out to my car. We talked some more. I told her I had more than a little temptation that week, but I didn�t act on it, because I was expecting monogamy. She said she wasn�t sure what she wanted. She was acting on a plan she made after her last relationship ended and she decided to move to San Francisco. She wanted a year alone, then a year dating again, then make some decisions regarding relationships. I was the second person she went out with, and it�s already serious. She seems troubled about that, as though it�s too soon. I want something more serious. She said she didn�t know what she wanted, but she wanted to put it out there as an issue.

So I�m confused, and now I�m feeling a little insecure. Guys who are insecure do stupid shit. I�m still thinking about that attractive woman I met at La Rondalla the other night. I still have her number. It�s in my wallet right now.

I went out last night. Hung out with a friend, P at El Rio on dollar beer night. I was still thinking all this through. I stopped by the bar next door and two friends were having a fight. They fight all the time, but they were both stinking drunk and starting to get violent. Their love is strange. She struck him and knocked him off his barstool. I didn�t see that, but I was told it happened earlier that evening. I leave my beer close to her, and head to the bathroom. When I get out, another friend is wrestling my beer bottle out of her hand, because she�s about to strike him with it.

I needed to get out of there, so I walked. And walked. I finally grabbed a burrito, and headed up Cortland. I finished my burrito by the time I got to Skip�s Tavern. I spied Wild Side West and it looked boring inside. I walked into Skip�s and see one friend of mine, then I spot M. Oh, shit, I thought. I didn�t need that right now. I�m acting a little awkward, but I commit myself to one drink. I guess there was a little pool tournament, and M went for the heck of it. However, her friend�s truck ran out of gas, and they needed to take a taxi back. I don�t know how the conversation flowed, but we got to the point where we were talking about nearby gas stations, and M suddenly started taking a tone with me about where the closest station would be. I didn�t need that right now. I just look at her and say �Okay, I guess it�s time to go.� I say goodbye and walk out, heading down Cortland and picking up the 14 line on Mission. What an evening. I looked up into the sky to see if it was a full moon, but couldn�t see through the clouds.

I�m on the train now. I�m leaving San Francisco, and it�s becoming sunny. Now. I look back toward Daly City and it�s cloudy out there. It�s actually quite amusing. The rest of the bay area is roasting, and I have to wear a jacket to walk around, something heavier at night. Right now, the cloudiness and fog of the city is like my own confusion and doubt. It leaves me wondering what the next step should be.

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