Sorry I've been away so long. I had to struggle through my 2nd cold in a six week period. So I've spent quite a bit of time layong on my futon watching old movies on cable. It seems to be spreading - about half of my friends seem to have it. M has it the worse of all, she's barely functioning.

I did lose a friend recently, and the pitiful thing is that I really don't feel bad about it. Sure, I said a lot of crappy things to her, at a time when she was already feeling down, and sure alcohol had definitely played a role. In any case, I said things that had been bottled up inside of me for way too long. Over that last year I knew her, I realized that she wasn't really a friend. And if she was, it was purely one-sided. When I thought of it that way, I was the fool for hanging out with her for so long.

It's classic. I've seen dozens of folks like her before. These folks are spread throughout the city. They're people who are over-educated, have a small little field they think they're experts about, and look down at everyone else who doesn't see the world their way. In many cases, their intentions are good - most of them are liberal and most of them at least act progressive on the surface, but they seem to paint themselves into some kind of intellectual corner, and they can't get out of it!

Take this friend for instance. She has a college degree. She also has some talent as an artist, I guess because she was admitted to art school. However, she got kicked out, mainly because she acted like a jerk. On some level, even she admits she could have been more open-minded in the way she communicated with her professors and peers. So, she's down 30 or 40 grand, her career's in the tank, so what does she do? Not much - she has, I mean, had a job as a technician for some media services company, but now she's been pretty much laid off. They didn't fire her, but as a contract laborer, they pretty much told her they wouldn't call on her anymore. I can only guess it was her winning personality.

She thinks she's the only person on earth capable of determining what art is, what's meaningful, and what's not worth a listen, a watch, or a look. It's really sad, but she dismisses folks who disagree, with her - in many cases, myself - and then just goes on ahead talking about the things she wants to talk about.

People like that are everywhere. Follow the peninsula down from San Francisco to San Jose, and you'll see them - they staff records stores, bookstores, and video shops. They look down their noses and sneer at the folks who rent Seabiscuit, buy Bruce Springsteen, and read mystery novels. But what do they do? When is that book coming out, when are we going to see their great film, when are they going to record and promote that album?

The answer is never, because it's easier to work retail, buy a bag of dope or sit on a barstool and talk crap about what everyone else does than to work at following your dream. They may think they're artists, but to without a product of some sort, and a career in retail or services, and people will just dismiss you as a bum.

So that's how it ended, I just refused to support her self-image as a beautiful, artistic genius a generation ahead of her time. She's 35, it's time to start thinking of getting a job with benefits, that might contribute to a retirement plan, think about forming lasting friendships with people based upon mutual respect and support. Friends aren't just mirrors that support you without any kind of criticism. Friends are people you can talk with, but who you will also need to spend time listening to as well.

Well, that felt good. I'm glad I got that off my chest! Time to get the laundry.

music:

night life:

sex life: