I can't say that this is the happiest time in my life. I just can't. I'm actually kind of glad that vacation's over and I'll be back at work tomorrow. It'll be nice to have structure in my life again.

I was able to make a quick trip to Los Angeles for Christmas. It was a pretty somber occasion. It was our first Christmas without dad. It became really clear to us all after my sister-in-law took a photo of all of us, and it was really clear that someone was missing.

I guess I can take some comfort that my mother seems to be doing well, at least on the surface, anyway. I still worry sometimes. They say that spouses sometimes go quickly after their lifetime partner dies.

That's something I may never know. If my last relationship couldn't work, it's hard to imagine any other relationship lasting. Right now, that is. I know I'll recover in a while, though at this moment I have that "I'll never love anyone again" mix of dread and melancholy.

I feel like I'm ready to get back to normal single life again. I realized recently that this was a pretty crazy year. Two relationships crashed and burned, and my father passed away. The best thing I can say about 2005 is that it's over, and now I look ahead to the coming year.

But then again, someone just winked at me on match.com!

music:

night life:

sex life: