A whole month has come and gone since I had to euthanize by cat. I still miss her. Sure, I've stopped all the crying. But now I'm just saddled with this lingering sadness.

One afternoon, while I was still trying to process the whole thing, I made the mistake of going to petloss.com. The server seems to be down right now. It's so cheezy, with the worst midi version of "Evergreen in the background, but it's effective. I couldn't help but cry. There's a story called "Rainbow Bridge" that'll just leave you devastated.

I'm not big on this whole afterworld concept, but it would be nice to imagine that at some point after I die, my baby girl will be there waiting for me. I'll be able to feel her caress again, able to stroke her fur, be able to pick her up and hold her. But I can't, and I won't.

One thing I find somewhat healoing is the Monday evening candle-light vigil. At the same time every Monday, people all over the world are lighting a candle in honor of their lost pets. I plan to do it tonight. It's also amazing to see the roster of recently lost pets. It's kind of nice to know you're not alone.

music:

night life:

sex life: