Okay, more thoughts on M and her last rampage on my ego. I�m obviously thinking about it way more than I should, but I think it�s good only if I can reach some kind of deeper understanding of what has happened to our friendship. Life is about changes, and we�re supposed to learn lessons from our mistakes.

Having sex with her was a mistake. Not just because of the reasons I listed in my last e-mail, but because I had always known it would change our friendship. I was in denial over the last three months. She had been drawing away from me. She was trying not to deal with me, stopped calling me. Now that I�ve met someone, and it is a girl this time, it�s killing her that she was the one who initiated it. She has to find some way to externalize the reasons why we did the deed, and she has to make V a replacement for her, even if it�s not true.

I just think it�s so ironic. She was the one who was worried that I would be stuck on her and would be weirded out by what happened but she�s the one who got weirded out.

Anyway, I miss my new thang. She�s away in the Caribbean this week. It was something she actually had been planning to do for months. I just kind of came along after she made the plans. She has written me a couple of notes. Wow, I guess you can access the internet from anywhere nowadays. That was a pleasant surprise. I did tell her a little about my strange dinner with M. Not the whole thing, but that will definitely have to come later. Remember, I did make a promise to be honest with her about everything.

We�re making plans to take a trip together somewhere, probably Yosemite, in early August. I�m also thinking of Mendocino/Spendocino. It�ll be so nice to get away.

Meanwhile, temptation seems to be everywhere. I met a beautiful young woman last night. I didn�t do anything, really! Well, I did take her phone number, and she asked for mine. I�m insane. I shouldn�t do stuff like that. Even if I don�t act on it. Or will I? I also met a nice older woman after the younger woman left the bar. What the hell is wrong with me. The guys watching me were pretty impressed. Maybe I shouldn�t hang out at bars so often. With my current mojo factor running so high, I could get in a lot of trouble.

music:

night life:

sex life: